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part 4

Well, Hello there!
Right now I am listening to a wonderful song from the finish band Poets of the fall (again ^^") and it is called Sleep... I dont know, they have such weird lyrics... Cant explain, but their way to write is really unique... And somehow I feel good when I listen to the words this singer spreads out... He has such an awesome voice... and it sounds... I dont know, like home or stuff ^^" It*s a deep voice... deep and calm yeah yeah. And it feels like these are songs with which I can really identify with... Well. I dont want to go upstairs, because my cat is again (!) killing a bird in our garden. And I really dont want to see that. I mean, the first time I saw my cats killing a bird I was really shocked, because it is not nice, when you look into the eyes of an animal which your cat eats while alive you know... Aww.. I can*t see that, I can*t stand that! It makes me shiver when I think back to this first time.. And I dont understand how such a little cat can grab suuuch a big bird! o. this is strange...
So. Actually Christian wanted to call me this evening if there is anything going on today... meeting people and stuff. But I dont think that he will call... it*s already late. Uh, I wanted to call Michael...Umpf. I feel strange these days... I mean, I feel like I have an identity-crisis....maybe I have one ^^" I just wonder what I*ve been and what I am going to be. Because right now I think that I could be so much, but there doesnt seem to be anything I would really like to be or that I admire... It just feels not right this time. I mean, it*s been nice, what I*ve been and what I produced (all the stories, all the songs I wrote and stuff- that doesnt work anyway right now for me, I have a writers blog...in everything!) but I do not really appreciate these things anymore... Awww, I really love Poets of the Fall for their lyrics carry you over to a new morning...... So, there doesn*t seem to be any conclusion for me right now. I guess I just should go offline (ignore the cat that kills all birds ;_; ) and do something for school...I mean, in a few days I have to go to school again And I really dont want to. Damn.
Yours,
Ulanka
11.4.07 20:08


part 3

Good morrow
Sunday afternoon, sun is shining outside. Well, and I*m sitting in the cellar o. I feel strange when the sun shines... It makes me feel somehow totally weird and WRONG, I mean, you dont have to think about life and stuff, when it*s raining, you know what I mean? When the sun shines everybody is so..well, you just see smiling faces or really crying people o. I dont know what it is, but I think the best day to kill yourself is when the sky is blue and the sun is shining... So, today (and I am a little bit proud of myself) I wrote on a story that I started a week ago or so... And I really like the idea behind, although it*s nothing big, not world-shaking, but... nice ^^
Yesterday I found (hello lucid xD) a very cool song:
Late Goodbye from the finish band Poets of the Fall. Well, I like some of their songs (but I dont know them all) and this one is so so so so beautiful... I want that to be played on my funeral...and we keep driiviiing into the niiight
Last night I saw this movie...the crow, everybody told me that this film is so awesome and coool. Well, I liked it. But it wasnt that cool like I*ve been told...
So.
Enough for today...
Have to tidy up my room (I really should) and maybe doing some stuff for my leaving on tuesday...Have to think about what I will pack in my bag for this little journey
Have all a nice (sunny O) day
Yours,

Ulanka
1.4.07 15:37


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