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part8

Good night!
Well...more and more these days there are always the same strange thoughts in my head, and I can*t seem to get them out, dammit. I dont' know... Well, when I think about what has happened this year already, it*s all a bit too much for me... but on the other hand, hey, this year is almost over! I mean, only 7 months more to go and then...well. the same thing...
Awww. I really DON'T want to get old...I mean, I did not really enjoy my youth, it's too fast over dammit...and I really dont wanna die...like R. Williams said
I*m not afraid to die I just don't want to.
And when you think about this topic...you know, it could be over tomorrow, in a minute, in a second...we don't know about that, and this is really scaring I think...
An other thing is...yeah well... I cannot accept somehow how many people slipped out of my life the past months... I mean... I lost a good friend a few weeks ago... but I always have to keep in mind, what I*ve been told and what I believe in. That if there is a problem in a relationship because one partner is not how he should be, and he can*t or doesn*t want to change...then there*s no future for those two. then one has to leave...yeah well, and so did I, I think.
So...and before that... I stopped loving someone I was "loving" for a long time. Well...I mean, you fall in love_and in this year I really falled OUT of love, everything was over.
That felt pretty good at the beginning, but makes me melancholic somehow. You know, like I*m asking myself: And now? It*s just been a crazy year, but somehow also pretty normal I guess... I*m feeling like I*m drifting these days somehow... like I only live for the next day, for the next week... I dont know. But...well, it*s a really strange life ^_^"
But keep in mind: life is strange- and so am I
Awww, goodnightinight!
Yours

Ulanka
17.5.07 00:15


part7

Moi!
Well, I just learned a lesson that I BET I*ve learned a million times before: You*ve got to believe in yourself. Goddamn it, yes! Sounds so easy, but it surely is not! I read some reviews that I received to some stories that I wrote, and they really made me feel good. I wrote a few minutes ago on some new stuff, but I*m not really that sure about it, so that reviews did me some favour ^.^" So. I just hope for the best. And I really have to make a concept this time... Huh.
Well, my grandma is in hospital since a few weeks, and that does suck so much...You know, my mom is running away from that problem, she simply thinks "Ah well, everything will be fine. It*s getting better every day!" So. Actually it*s not getting better...And since my grandma pratically has decided to die, I somehow can*t visit her anymore. I mean,...she*s become a totally different person...and I can*t stand that. I mean...It*s really serious now...and I know that I cannot burry that burden. I just feel misunderstood and well...yeah, my mother is just stupid because she refuses to accept that not everything is fine, and with my father one cannot talk...my sis and I do know how bad it is, we are aware of the problem, but somehow that does not help in any way... Huh. That is so much getting me down...Aw...Well, I should not think about things that I cannot change...It*s not my fault, but I feel sad that I can*t have a perfect life ^-^" (who doesnt?)
So. Goodnightinight!
Yours,

Ulanka

nobody cares_nobody sees
5.5.07 02:52


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